My Imaginary Friends

By Bobby Montgomery


After a few weeks of this COVID 19 isolation, I started talking to myself. Before I knew it, I had conjured up an imaginary friend. I called him Mini-Me. He is a great companion, a good conversationalist, smart, insightful, personable with beautiful ideas, and we seldom disagree. He is highly opinionated, but not overbearing.

I’ve grown quite fond of him, so when this lockdown is over, and we start going out again to Love & War, Opening Bell, Sons of Hermann Hall, all the great festivals and restaurants, I’m going to bring him with me. Just so you understand, if you and I are sitting at a table, I am talking, but you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about…I’m probably not talking to you at all.

You, too, may want to conjure up an imaginary friend to help you through the lonely times in life, such as this COVID 19 lockdown. If so, a word of caution! Although they sometimes have great ideas, they can also be a bit playful and a little mischievous. So be careful when taking their advice!

Case-in-Point: Several years ago, while cutting down a dead tree, I got sawdust in my right eye, which scratched my cornea. The doctor bandaged both eyes to limit eye movement and allow the cornea to heal. I was home alone with nothing to do. I couldn’t do chores, I couldn’t watch TV, and when I went to pee because my eyes were bandaged, my aim was a little off. So I had to sit rather than stand. It was humiliating!

I needed a friend. So I conjured one up. Because he was so playful, I called him Alfie. One morning when I was particularly lonely, Alfie suggested, “Wouldn’t it be wonderful to plan a nice romantic evening when my wife gets home.” Excited at the prospect, my imagination ran wild all day! At 6:00 pm, I heard my wife fumbling with her keys to open the door. Hurriedly I felt my way along the wall, Buck Naked, to greet her at the door. The door swung open I grabbed her hugging, kissing and groping. When she started screaming, I realized I had made a terrible mistake!

To my surprise, It wasn’t my wife at all! It was the cleaning lady there to do her bi-weekly chores. The judge was understanding and dismissed it as an unfortunate incident.